Saturday, November 27, 2010

"Piano Man" by Billy Joel

I just saw a special on TV about Billy Joel that discussed this song. It reminded me that I've been meaning to share this lewd lyric...

Original lyrics:
Sing us a song, you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well, we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feelin' alright


Lewd lyrics:
Slip me the shlong, you're the penis man
Slip me the shlong tonight
'Cause we're all in the mood for some sodomy
And you know that I'm good and tight


Hey look, there's my favorite three-syllable word again!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

"Fly Like an Eagle" by Steve Miller Band

I've been a big SMB fan since I used to listen to 8-tracks of Book of Dreams and Fly Like an Eagle years before puberty. As a teen, I got into Sailor and Miller's other earlier albums. This song, of course, is one of Miller's greatest hits.

Original lyrics:
Time keeps on slippin' slippin' slippin'
Into the future

Lewd lyrics:
Time keeps on slippin' slippin' slippin'
It to your mother

Although I don't really know how exactly time (Father Time?) would be screwing your mom, I like the way it sounds.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

"Is She Really Going Out With Him?" by Joe Jackson

This is from Jackson's first record, Look Sharp, when he was new wave instead of jazz or whatever he became. It's a great album. In a TGI Friday's recently, I thought I heard this song on the digital jukebox. Although it sounded a lot like Jackson's original recording, it was Sugar Ray. I don't get it -- why cover a song in a manner virtually identical to the original 25-year-old version? (Sugar Ray's version was released in 2003, so I'm a little late hearing it.)

Original lyrics:
Is she really going out with him?
Is she really gonna take him home tonight?

Lewd lyrics:
Is she really going down on him?
Is she really gonna take his hose tonight?

Sugar Ray should have used my lyrics instead.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

"Fool for the City" by Foghat

This is one of my favorite Foghat songs, but changing it is too easy to resist.

Original lyrics:
'Cause I'm a fool for the city

Lewd lyrics:
'Cause I'm a fool for the titty

Actually, I'm more of an ass man. Maybe it should be "fool for the booty" instead. Most guys are a fool for one or the other.

Monday, November 8, 2010

"Undercover Angel" by Alan O'Day

Here's a cheesy one-hit wonder from the 1970s.

Original lyrics:
Undercover angel, midnight fantasy
I've never had a dream that made sweet love to me

Lewd lyrics:
Undercover angel, midnight sodomy
I never dreamed she'd take it in the ass from me

As I've said before, sodomy is a great substitute for any three-syllable word in a song.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

"Message in a Bottle" by the Police

This isn't my favorite Police song, but at least it's less obnoxious than "Roxanne."

Original lyrics:
I hope that someone gets my
Message in a bottle

Lewd lyrics:
I hope that someone gets the
Message from my bunghole

The thought of Sting farting out a message amuses the hell out of me. Especially if he plays a lute solo.

Monday, November 1, 2010

"Sad Songs (Say So Much)" by Elton John

This was one of Elton John's last good songs, back when he was still somewhat relevant. The album, Breaking Hearts, isn't as good as its predecessor Too Low For Zero, but it beats the Hell out of that Princess Diana tribute song.

Original lyrics:
Turn them on, turn them on
Turn on those sad songs
When all hope is gone
Why don't you tune in and turn them on


They reach into your room
Just feel their gentle touch
When all hope is gone
Sad songs say so much


Lewd lyrics:
Pull them out, pull them out
Pull out those big shlongs
When all hope is gone
Why don't you pull out that big shlong

They reach into your room
Just feel your genitals touch
When all hope is gone
Big shlongs say so much

Okay, I'll confess that this rewrite has a lot to do with John's homosexuality. And while I'm not gay, I do enjoy the thought of Elton belting out this paean to well-endowed studs.