Tuesday, September 28, 2010

"Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler

Like many Americans, my introduction to Bonnie Tyler came through her painfully raspy 1977 hit "It's a Heartache." I hated that song intensely, and I complained about Tyler's voice every second it was on the radio. I must have been an obnoxious seven-year-old, but I couldn't help myself -- I knew crap when I heard it. Fortunately, my parents weren't big fans, or I may have been permanently scarred (it's bad enough that they liked Journey, for which I have not forgiven them).

Anyway, imagine my shock --and utter horror -- to see Tyler re-emerge in the video era with "Total Eclipse of the Heart" in 1983. She still had that god-awful voice, but this time she had an even bigger hit. Watching her on MTV made me actually look forward to the next Def Leppard video. Bring on the heartbreak, indeed.

Fast forward 25 years or so. I came across a discussion of "Total Eclipse of the Heart" on a blog. I was shocked once again -- commenters were praising this song, not pummeling it. Ugh.

Original lyrics:
Turn around bright eyes
Every now and then I fall apart
Turn around bright eyes
Every now and then I fall apart

Lewd lyrics:
Pucker up brown eye
Every now and then I blow a fart
Pucker up brown eye
Every now and then I blow a fart

That's just a sampling from my rendition of "Total Eclipse of the Butt."

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